The semester is coming to a close and somehow I have found the motivation to finally make another blog post. Probably because I am desperate to avoid all the studying I’m going to have to do for my finals this week. Perhaps you’re reading this, avoiding your own responsibilities as well! Oh well, that’s life.
I cannot believe I have been doing this music thing since May. Sometimes it feels longer than that and sometimes it feels like I just started. It is so easy to get lost in life and forget what you’re doing and who you are. I think I have done a little bit of that this semester; I’ve gotten lost, but I’m slowly remembering my way back.
In the process of getting lost, I think I really found myself as well. I have been making choices for my own happiness. Most of the time I feel selfish, then I reflect back on all the moments in my life where I gave up my own happiness to please others, and that was a darker time in life. I guess the purpose of this blog post is to encourage you, the reader, to do what makes you happy. Everyone is shoulder deep in stress right now from the semester and everyone is meeting deadlines. I want to ask you to find the time this week to be kind to yourself.
For me, I am always on myself about being a piece of shit. Whether I didn’t do the dishes (which have been stacking up since November), or I didn’t apply for some thing online, or I’ve just ate super crappy food this week (more like every week), I’m always finding a reason to give myself a hard time. I have been attending group therapy this semester at my university and the thing I’ve learned most is that I have to be kind and compassionate to myself. Yes, I need to do the dishes, okay. I will find the time to do them, but I’m not gonna beat myself up about it just because they aren’t DONE RIGHT NOW.
I used to eat myself alive for not meeting my own expectations. I held the bar too high for myself and sometimes I still do. I will never really feel like I am a great songwriter or a great artist, but I know I look really cute with glasses and a nose ring, and I’m super confident about my sailor moon shirt. There is a give and take to our expectations of ourselves. Sometimes my hair looks like a whirlwind of chaos, and that’s okay, I can settle for that.
We’ve gotta stop trying to be perfect all the time.
If something is draining the life from you, stop doing it. I have stopped doing a lot of things this semester because they were just toxic to my life and they were contorting who I was as a person. I’d sit in meetings and slowly eat away at myself and at others, purely because I could not find enjoyment in what I was doing.
I’m learning to live in moderation. If you’re having a bad day, set some time aside to sit down with some hot tea and read your favorite book by the window sill. Just get in your car and go for a drive, blaring your favorite album. Take a super hot shower and stay in as long as you want. Just take a moment to be good to yourself and gain back your sanity, especially during a time like this.
My hope is to have more blog posts, even if no one reads them, I still enjoy writing. I’m not going to commit myself to it, I’m not going to rip myself apart if I miss a week, because if it becomes a job, then I’ll hate it. Everything is good in moderation.
I wish you all the best of luck with finals and please do not forget to be kind to yourselves this week and find time for a little treat, whatever it may be.
Me? I’ll be here, reading Secrets for the Mad, sipping tea by the windowsill.
See you again,