I’m done.

Sigh.

 

I’m going to take a moment to breathe, clear my head, and write this blog post in the most calm and mature way possible.

 

I am sick and tired of being controlled. I am sick and tired of being the “yes ma’am” type of girl. I am sick and tired of bottling up my emotions just to go home at the end of the day and sob them into a bowl of ramen. (no joke, I do that)

 

I’m sick and tired of letting people control my emotions. For years, I’ve let people turn me into a puddle of emotion, sulking around, hating myself and everything else.

 

I’m done.

 

This is about me doing what is best for me. I’m going to make the music I want to make. I’m going to create the art I want to create. I’m going to look the way I want to look. If I wanna curse like a sailor, then you’re damn right, I’m going to. I am finished with worrying about other people and their opinions of me. I am tired of trying to stay afloat by playing by the impossible rules and unreachable standards that have been set for me.

IMG_6564

I will no longer be the bird in the cage. I refuse to see the world as a jar and the sky as the lid. As cheesy and bullshitty you may find this to be, it’s the truth. Do not sell yourself short. Wake up. Take a moment to think about what the people in your life are doing to you. Are you happy, or just content? Are you fulfilled, or just good enough?

 

I refuse to settle for anything short of wonderful, because life is just too short. Why be miserable for so long because of unpredictable promises for the future?

 

Sometimes I fall into this deep, dark place. I think about how there’s more bad than good, and I worry about my future. It kills all motivation and hope I have for the future. The only thing that seems to keep me going is looking at artists who inspire me. They keep me going and of course all the love I receive from my own music. Even a simple ‘like’ on a video means the world to me, because it is verification that I am not alone. That’s usually what I feel. I feel alone.

 

I know that the bad times will be made up with the good times that are yet to come.

 

I know what it’s like to feel hopeless and I know what it’s like to tell yourself to try again tomorrow, even if you’ve been saying that for the past five years. Please surround yourself with positivity and love. I have learned that toxic environments will slowly eat away at everything that you’ve built yourself up to be.

 

Don’t stay in the cage. Go live the dream.

 

See you again,

V

1 thought on “I’m done.”

  1. I’ve been debating whether or not to reach out to you officially for a while. And I’ve debated whether or not to write this a time or too, which seems silly. I was really confused when you posted this saying you’ve felt caged in the past and that you’re letting yourself just be instead of letting other define you. But I’ve always thought of you as the most original and independent person. I always thought you were someone who didn’t care what other thought and followed your passions even if they weren’t popular or well known and even if they’re were considered mainstream you were someone who just liked what they liked. I always admired you for it. For the longest time I never knew who I was and struggled, but maybe that’s just part of growing up where we did. People try and shove you in a box and and everyone has a predefined idea of what they should be doing. Maybe you don’t care if you hear this from me, but I’m glad that you’re breaking out and being utterly, completely you and that you’ve found people to support you in being you. I’m not only writing to say I’m happy for you, but that this resonates with me. Over the past couple years I’ve found places and people that make me feel like I can be 100% myself instead of what people see me as in little old Stark. And I’ve just been thinking of you a lot lately. We’re not close anymore and we may never be again but I’m still happy to be supporting authentic and original people like you who work hard and reflect to create beautiful things.

    Payton 🙂

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.